Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I'm a 14 year old girl in year 9 who has been bullied for a year and a half by the same 3 girls. I used to be friends with them until one day they decided that they no longer wanted to be my friend. My brother reckons that they are jealous of me and one of the girls admitted to my friend why she hated me and it was because mum was strict and I go to church and I'm a "goodie goodie". They are always telling people lies about me and only a few days ago did they tell a boy that I was making up rumors about him. I know that I have done the right thing and haven't been saying or spreading rumors about people. It's the girls who are, but are blaming me so I look like the bad person. I hate it so much I begged my mum to let me move schools. I don't really want to because I don't want to leave my friends behind, but I've had enough. WHAT DO I DO? Please help me.

Losing it

Dear Losing it,

It sounds like you have been having a very hard time at school. These 3 girls who used to be your friends seem to be getting some kind of pleasure from trying to make your life miserable. I know there are people like that, but personally, I could never understand why they would go to that much trouble (and for so long) to hurt someone.

I'm very proud of you for recognizing that it's important to "do the right thing" even when other people are not. I'm sure it's very frustrating and hurtful to have to deal with all this negativity.

I wish I could tell you one thing you could say to these 3 girls to make them wake up and start treating you with the respect that you deserve. I say "wake up" but I believe that people who are unkind to others are, on some level, unconscious.

Unfortunately, there are no magic words and there's no way you can control their behavior. However, that doesn't mean that you have to put up with this kind of harassment. Absolutely not!

Here's what you must do. Talk to you mom and tell her what you've told me. That you have "had enough." Get her to understand that this has become a totally unlivable situation. Get her to help you by setting up a meeting with the school administration immediately. At that meeting be very specific about what has been going on for the past "year and a half" and exactly who is involved. It is the responsibility (morally and legally) of every school to make sure that ALL students are safe. Harassment and abuse of any kind is totally unacceptable. The school needs to know that you and your mom are very serious and expect them to do something about this NOW. If they refuse, there are legal avenues to pursue. Hopefully, you won't have to go in that direction because the school will start doing its job to protect you.

Don't wait. Talk to your mom and be honest. If, for any reason, she is unwilling to meet with the school administrator, then you are going to have to do this on your own. I know that you are strong enough. Talk to the school counselor, a teacher you trust, the school principal... The girls' parents. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to get the adult help you need so that these girls are STOPPED.

Are you willing to do that, either with your mom's help or on your own?

In friendship,

Terra