Dear Annie,

My 15-year-old son listens to music that has objectionable material and lyrics. I do not feel I am being over sensitive to the music -- this stuff is really bad, with a lot of derogatory remarks, cruelty, and expletives that are just plain wrong. Up until last year I was able to censor the music that came into our home. But now that my son is almost 16 he has the ability to bring in music that I do not pre approve, or download what he wants.

I have told him that I strongly object to the music and feel it is not part of our family values. However he said, "I do not listen to the words, just the music." I still think that is wrong and a bad influence on him, his 11-year-old sister, and our family. What do I do?

Singing a Different Song

Dear Singing a Different Song,

I can appreciate your objecting to your son's embracing lyrics that you find "really bad." Even if it's absolutely true that he doesn't "listen to the words" it's clear that you can hear them and find them offensive.

In case you're wondering why your son would want to listen to that stuff, part of it is his exploration of identity. In the same way that teens experiment with different hairstyles, clothing styles, piercings, slang, vegetarianism, etc., pop music is a way he's figuring out "Who am I?" This identity exploration happens in every generation. It's normal. It's simply a part of the natural development of an identity that's separate from one's parents...

For the rest of the answer, click here...

Hey Terra,

I think something is wrong with me. No matter what I do I feel really bad. I barely smile. I feel alone and left out at school and home.

Please, I need help but my mom won't listen to me.

Alone and Tormented

Dear Alone and Tormented,

Have you just recently started feeling "alone" and "left out at school"? Or have you felt this way for a long while?

And if this is rather recent (in the past 6 months or so) do you have some idea when it started?

In friendship,

Terra

Hey Terra,

I'm not positive, it's been awhile, but not like forever. Lately I have been feeling really bad, because a lot has happened to me. First my mom gets a new boyfriend, next we spent the summer together, then our house burned down, and finally my mom decides she wants to lives in another state and we might never go back to where we live now. I don't know, I feel like crap and sometimes I just want a new life.

Also, I have another question. My mom recently started dating again, she hasn't had a boyfriend since my dad died. Is it wrong that I despise her boyfriend as much as I do? I've tried so hard to like him but I just can't. And whenever me and him get in a fight she always seems to take his side instead of mine.

That's a lot of stuff, but I guess there's a lot of stuff wrong in my life.

Thanks for listening!

Alone and Tormented

Dear Alone and Tormented,

It certainly sounds like you've had some very difficult things to deal with recently. Any one of those events could contribute to your feelings of being alone and left out. (My dad died when I was 15 and I know how badly that can shake your world up.) But when you combine the impact of the loss of your dad, your house burning down, a move to a new state, your mom's new boyfriend... This is a LOT of stuff for you to be dealing with!

Here's my suggestion and I offer it because I care about you. Please go and talk with your school counselor. This emotional storm that you're living with is too much for you to try to cope with on your own.

Will you talk with your counselor?

Write back. I'm here for you.

In friendship,

Terra

Hey Terra,

My sister has learning disabilities, so she gets extra attention from my mom and dad.

I get really good grades and have no trouble with school. My mom and dad think that I don't need any help right know and focus there attention on her (my sister). I feel like dropping a grade just to get their attention.

Sincerely,

Hello! What about me!

Dear Hello! What about me!,

Thank you so much for writing to me. Your situation is an important one, because your feelings are very important. So important that your parents really need to know what's going on. They love your sister and because of her learning disabilities, they are working extra hard to make sure that she gets the support she needs to succeed in school (and in life). Your parents absolutely love you too. And I'm sure they are very proud of the really good grades you get and the fact that you have "no trouble with school." But even though parents love their children, they don't always realize how their choices make their children feel.

You asked for my advice. OK. Here's what you should NOT do. DO NOT let your grades drop "just to get their attention." That is not the kind of attention you want and besides, it would be a waste of your gifts to do less than your best. (You also won't feel proud of yourself for doing it.) You should also NOT think of your sister as your enemy or someone you're in competition with. Your sister didn't choose to have a learning disability. (You know that, but this is a reminder.) She loves you and she admires you.

So, those are the DON'Ts. Here are the DOs.

DO talk privately with your mom and dad. DO share this email with them if you like. DO tell them how you're feeling and together, as a family, figure out how you can share in their attention.

OK?

Good luck.

In friendship,

Terra