Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I can't get over the feeling that everyone is going to ditch me. So I've had some issues with my old best friend and even though we worked it out in the end it left me with some huge insecurities, and I'm finding it really really hard to trust anyone now. I'm just constantly thinking that all my friends will ditch me.

My current best friend got a boyfriend a few months back and she isn't being unreasonable about it and I know I really shouldn't care but I can't help being really upset when I'm sitting home alone while she is out with him. I know she cares about me and she has never broken any plans with me to go with him but I'm just so worried that will change. I don't want to be left behind again but I also don't want my jealousy to hurt our Friendship, I just can't help it.

Paranoid

Dear Paranoid,

I totally understand how it is when you've been hurt by someone you trusted. It makes it hard not to believe that others will hurt you too.

I'm very glad to hear that your current best friend is showing that even though she has a boyfriend now, she still cares about you and values your friendship. That's great!

So the problem isn't that people are currently ditching you, the problem is that you are stressing yourself out worrying about what "might" happen. Here's my suggestion for you:

Every time you catch yourself thinking "She's going to ditch me" (or whatever it is you say to yourself when you're worrying about this), Notice it and STOP everything. Take a slow deep breath. (Inhale slowly through your nose. Then EXHALE slowly through your mouth.) Feel your mind quiet down. Feel yourself relax. Then say to yourself: "I am a good friend and I have good friends."

Then get on with whatever you were doing before you started worrying.

You can't control most things in this life, but you can choose to quit worrying about the future.

Be happy.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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