Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

My friend is in a really bad situation. Her boyfriend calls her a whore, wont let her spend time with anyone and throws fits if she talks to another guy. All of us, her friends are worried about her. He has even told her he would beat the crap out of her if she was a guy. The worst part of all is that she thinks he quit doing drugs, drinking, etc. for her. Everyone has told her that this isn't true. She claims she loves him, and thinks we are just jealous, or don't really know him. Seeing him do that stuff is enough proof for me. I just want to know what I can do to get her to see how bad he is, and how much he lies. They have been together for a year, she trusts him more than anyone, even though he is a jerk.

Confused

Dear Confused,

I agree with you. The guy sounds like a total jerk, in addition, he's an abuser. But your friend "loves him" so what can you do? Some girls (and women) will stick with abusive guys until the guys murder them. It doesn't sound like your friend thinks she's got a problem, though you and I know she does.

All you can do is tell her that you're worried because of the way her bf treats her. Since you've said it all before (and so have her other friends) it's not likely she's going to all of a sudden start listening. It's sad, I know. And it's scary, because you're afraid he's got so much control over her life that he could really hurt her.

Here's an organization you should know about for your friend. It's called RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest) and it was founded in 1994 by Tori Amos. They've got a toll free number you can call anytime: 1.800.656.HOPE (Maybe they can give you some ideas about how to help her.) They also have a great web site you can check out at www.rainn.org (Maybe you can get your friend to look at it too.)

Good luck and keep being the caring friend that you are!

In friendship,

Terra

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