Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I'm 13. My two sisters are 2 and 3 1/2 and my mom just told me yesterday that she was pregnant again! I just felt like crying... because I don't want another member of my family. She got mad at me for not being happy. And then my dad said that I have to "embrace this joy" and I agreed to try but I just don't know how to "embrace" something that just makes me cry... I mean I know that sounds selfish and I know I should be happy for my parents but I think it's unfair that they are having a baby! The last time this happened I was very upset because I didn't even want another sister then. I know I sound like a spoiled brat but I just cant help but be upset.

What should I do?

Not Again

Dear Not Again,

You don't sound like a "spoiled brat" at all! You sound upset and I can totally understand why you would feel this way right now. I certainly know how much energy it takes to care for a 3 1/2 year old. Add to that, taking care of a 2 year old! Add to that, being pregnant. Add to that being there for you. Wow! that's a lot of people who want and need your mom's attention.

My guess is that you are afraid that there won't be much of your mom's time left for you and you're feeling jealous of the attention your 2 sisters get and you're already feeling the same way about the new baby.

I really don't blame you for the way you feel.

You say you think it's "unfair" for your parents to have a baby. Having another child is their decision, not yours. This wasn't an election that you were supposed to get a vote in. Even though their decision will affect you, they are your parents and they get to decide how many children they want to have. This new baby to come is not going away, so you're going to have to accept the reality of the situation.

That said, I do think you should let your parents know how you feel. In a calm and mature way, talk to them, not about how "unfair" this is, but how you REALLY feel. And from what you write, it sounds like it would be much more honest to say, "I feel jealous of the time you spend with my sisters. I feel scared that you won't have time to be with me. I feel sad that I'm losing the closeness I once felt."

Tell your mom what you want and need from her... Reassurance that she loves you and that that won't ever change. Tell your dad that you'd like to spend some time with him.

This can be worked out, but you need to talk about your feelings and listen to what your parents are feeling.

I'd also suggest, if there are aunts, uncles, grandparents nearby, that you talk to them as well. They might be able to help you through this by spending extra time with you too.

And one more thing... Little kids grow up and when they do, they need less supervision and care from Mom and Dad.

I hope this helps.

You sound like a great kid and the little ones in your family are so lucky to have you as their big sister.

Write back any time.

In friendship,

Terra

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