Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

My best friend ever and I are in 10th grade and throughout this year we have been hanging out with different people that go to a different school. We started hanging out with these people because my best friend kind of had a thing with this boy and he was really into smoking pot. I didn't think she would do it, because she knows how to stick up for herself and she knows it is wrong.

Well both of us started doing it when we hung out with these kids, and I have stopped because my parents found out and got really mad. Also my best friend's parents found out but she didn't get in much trouble. She keeps doing it and whenever I talk to her about it she gets mad at me and starts swearing and stuff. It has gotten so bad that she is doing it every day, even before school. I don't know what to do. I came home from school crying because she made me very upset. Everyone is telling me just to let her do it and don't worry about it but I can't... I NEED HELP.

Beezus

Dear Beezus,

I'm proud of you for stopping your drug use. Good choice! You don't need me to tell you that you can't control your friend's choices (or anyone else's for that matter).

You care about your friend and you're worried that she's abusing drugs... Well, that's an understandable concern. If she's really getting high "every day before school" then she does have a drug problem. It's also too bad that her parents didn't have a more appropriate response (as your parents did).

But no matter what she chooses to do with her life it is HER life. You've got your own choices to focus on and that's just what I suggest you do.

If this girl wants to do drugs and you're not comfortable with that then create some distance. You've told her how you feel. That's all you can do. The rest is her choice.

But it's your choice to continue to try to lecture her and talk her out of her drug use and she could choose to keep getting mad because she doesn't want to hear it. What's the point of putting yourself in a position where she's going to "make you very upset"? Why let yourself be a target for her? Choose a different path and choose different friends to be with. People who share your values.

Maybe some day your friend will come around and get her life back on track. In the meantime, you have your own life to live.

Oh, and if she asks you why you are creating distance, tell her the truth, you owe her that.

I hope this help.

In friendship,

Terra

Subscribe to Annie's
mailing list