Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I've had a huge crush on my guy friend ever since I met him. He is sweet and funny and he makes me happy. One day I told him I liked him and he didn't really react and just kind of ignored it. I got scared and thought that I had freaked him out too much so I told him that I liked him but I didn't want to lose him as a friend and he seemed to understand. Then about a month later he started going out with another girl. I think he got the wrong impression when I said I still wanted to be friends, I still really like him.

Now I still have feelings for him and feel hurt that he ignored that I liked him, but I can't do anything because he has a girlfriend. Do you have any advice on how to get over him with out ruining our friendship?

Confused and Hurt

Dear Confused and Hurt,

Sounds like your friendship with this guy has already changed since you told him how you feel and he "ignored" it.

You're right, you can't do anything about the fact that he has a girlfriend. And you shouldn't do anything to try to break them up. That would be unethical.

As for "getting over him" and remaining friends... Well, that's tricky. The best way I know to get over someone (especially someone you see a lot) is to choose not to spend so much time with them. Create distance. Spend time with other people. Make an agreement with yourself not to talk about him to your other friends. In other words... fill up your life with other people and other activities. In time, this will be less hurtful and you may be able to go back to being friends with him. But it's not realistic to think you can be ignored by a crush and not be "confused and hurt." You need time away from him.

Of course, when you create distance, you alter your friendship with the guy. But that may be the price you have to pay for the time being.

I hope this helps a bit.

In friendship,

Terra

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