Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I'm 17 years old. When I was 15, my mom decided that I could double date when I turned 16, and then when I turned 16, she denied it. She then said I could double date when I turned 17, and denied it again. I am so tired of this. I'm going to be 18 in August, and I plan on moving out, because of this and a few other things. But first, I would like her blessing but when she finds out I'm leaving I probably won't get any blessing. There are a few guys I would love to go out with, but I can't. What would you say about this? Do you think my mom is right or wrong?

Thanks for helping.

Tired of this!!!

Dear Tired of this,

I personally don't think it was very cool of your mom to keep breaking the agreements she made with you, but it really doesn't matter what I think. Your mom makes the rules in your family. If she says you can't go out on a date yet, I'm certainly not going to tell you to go ahead and sneak around behind her back. That would be giving you really bad advice because it's wrong and it will get you in trouble.

Instead I suggest that you calmly talk to your mom. You might say something like this: "Mom, I feel really angry that you promised several times that when I got to a certain age I could double date and every time I got there you changed you're mind. It makes me feel like I can't trust what you say. And it doesn't help our relationship. I'd like to talk about this."

Try it. What do you have to lose? If it doesn't lead to a good conversation (and maybe some new freedom), well, at least you let her know how you feel. And that's a very mature thing to do. Also, if you don't get more independence from her at this time, remember, you're almost an adult. Soon you'll be making all of your own decisions... Healthy ones I hope!

I wish you well.

In friendship,

Terra

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