Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

My mum is getting married. I do like her fiancé, but they've been together less than two months, so it seems to be moving really fast. And although they are fine about living together, it's a lot for me to take in.

I left college and haven't found a job yet so I spend all the day in the house on my own. My granddad is in hospital and is expected to die soon so we visit him every day.

Because of the fact I left college I have no friends that I see face to face, and if I do its going clubbing so don't get to talk to them. I have no boyfriend and am not close to my Dad. I never really developed a relationship with a friend where I could talk about anything because I had that with my mum. I feel really alone and like I have absolutely no one.

Brenda Blue

Dear Brenda Blue,

Thanks for writing.

I'm so sorry to hear about your granddad's illness. I'm sure it's a great comfort to him to have you visit every day, but I also know from my own experience that watching someone you love being so sick is emotionally draining. And on top of all that, your mother getting engaged to someone who you don't know well! Sounds like you're dealing with a truckload of emotions right now!

I want you to know that you can write to me any time. I'll be your buddy. As your new friend I can tell you that spending "all day in the house on your own" is not good for you in the best of times, and especially not now.

What you need to do is start strengthening your network of support. You say you've always been close to your mom. Don't automatically assume that you have lost that closeness now that she's engaged. I'm a mom and I know that the bond you have with your mom is too deep and strong for anything to come in the way. Sure things are changing but that doesn't mean that she no longer cares about you or can be there for you. My first suggestion is that you talk to her about your feelings. Tell her what you told me. She's entitled to know what's going on with you (how can she show her love if you don't let her know you're hurting?).

Second suggestion is for you to get back in touch with the career placement counseling center at your college. Ask them for help and guidance in your job search. That's what they're there for.

Third suggestion is for you to find friends you can really talk to. If the friends you had in college were good ones, then set up time to talk with one of them in a setting other than a club. People are usually good hearted. When they know someone is in need, they usual want to help. You need some friends. Reaching out to people you have been friends with in the past is a good place to start.

I hope this helps a bit.

In friendship,

Terra

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