Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I am 18 years old and never had a boyfriend, been in love, or been committed in any way to any guy. I haven't even been on a date before, and I'm not exaggerating. I hope I won't grow up to be single for the rest of my life and live with 20 cats. Being in a relationship is on my mind 24/7. I read some of your past letters and I know I have to be patient for the "right" guy and since I want to experience a relationship (and I'm not talking about the 2 weeker) and your advice was to get involved with different activities and hang out with friends to get it off my mind.

The thing is... ALL my friends have boyfriends! All they talk about are their relationships... how am I supposed to get away and stop thinking about how I want a relationship? It isn't a goal of mine and I know if I rush into things it will just lead to disaster... HELP!

What Now?

Dear What Now?,

You've asked an excellent question. And I've got to say that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the fact that you know that you don't want a "2 weeker" and that rushing into things will just lead to "disaster." Self-awareness at that level is a very valuable asset, so you're way ahead of many 18 year olds. Brava!

Sure it's tough when all of your friends are coupled up and the fact that they talk about their relationships so much makes it really challenging for you to spend any quality one-on-one time with them.

It's way too soon to be looking at a future with 20 cats. LOL! I have a couple of suggestions:

1. let your friends know that you'd like some help meeting a guy. They have boyfriends... Their boyfriends have friends... How about going that route?
2. Follow your interests... Join out of school activities that take you into a broader community. Whether it's hiking, or community theater, or community service... Doing what you love will bring you in contact with others who share your interests.

Bottom line, you can't name the time and place when you will meet Mr. Right (or Mr. Almost Right... Or Mr. First Date). Love is magical because it can't be predicted. But instead of feeling like you're wasting time waiting for your love life to start, try shifting your attitude and grab life and make what you want out of today. Want to learn something new? Take a class at a JC. Want to use your talent to help others? Every community has opportunities for that.

Love isn't something you can look for... It happens while you're living life. And if you're living it fully, then you are developing into a more interesting person who is self-sufficient and not needy. Interestingly, you will then be more likely to attract an equally cool and self-sufficient guy.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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