Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:
Wish I had one:
“Why do nice guys finish last?”
Hey Terra,
Firstly, I must say that I really enjoyed your book The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating. It was very informative with down to earth information; in fact, it even inspired me to write and ask you for advice.My question to you is this: why does it seem that a lot of girls are attracted to "bad boys": the guys who skip class, smoke, get drunk every weekend, etc. Twice I've been left "high and dry" by beautiful girls who have seen something in these "bad boys." On both occasions, I dealt with the situation with calm acceptance... on the outside. In truth, it hurt inside like a proverbial slap in the face, a "you're not good enough" kind of feeling.
I am the polar opposite of a "bad boy": I get very good grades, I'm the captain of my soccer team. Even my sister, the world's biggest critic, says I'm OK looking. So, why does the cliché "nice guys finish last" seems to sum up the situation here? I'm long past being sad or bitter, I would just like to see if I could get a more intuitive answer than "Bah, plenty of fish in the sea," or, "Forget about it."
Thanks!
Mr. Nice Guy
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
So glad you found my book "informative."
Okay I won't say, "Plenty of fish in the sea" or "Forget about it." Those are useless clichés. So is "Nice guys finish last." That one's a total lie.
Sure there are certain girls who get a thrill hanging out (and being mistreated) by "bad boys." They're the girls who have low self-esteem and don't really believe they deserve to be treated with respect (which is what they're destined to get from a nice guy). And don't be fooled into thinking that girls who are beautiful couldn't possibly have low self-esteem... They are often the ones who are in the worst emotional and psychological shape (maybe it's because they never had to bother developing their character).
Anyway, here's what I want you to understand: you don't want a girl who wants to be mistreated. She's much more trouble than she's worth.
You want a girl who knows her worth and knows that she deserves "Mr. Nice Guy" treatment. It might be that you'll have to wait until you're around more mature girls to find the ones who will appreciate you, but believe me, they exist.
Nice guys don't finish last... They finish happiest.
In friendship,
Terra
Need some advice? Write to Terra.
She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.
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