Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I really loved this guy but I put him thru a lotta s***.. I wish I hadn't done that. I even went out with his best friend after knowing he wouldn't like it. I thought I would get over him. It's more than a year that him and me are not together, but I truly love him and want to get back. But he doesn't even answer my phone cause he is with someone new. I really don't know what to do. All I can say is I wanna get back.

Lonely for Him

Dear Lonely for Him,

It's a good thing that you now know that what you did wasn't so nice. The choices you made were hurtful to your ex bf. Because of that, he stopped trusting you. It makes sense, doesn't it? When someone hurts us we move away from them because we don't want to get hurt again. (Maybe you've been hurt by someone who betrayed your trust so you can understand how he feels.)

I'm sorry that you're hurting now and have a heavy heart. Is it really true that all you can say is that you "wanna get back" with him? Isn't "I'm really sorry that I caused you pain and ruined our relationship" something that you also can say?

I know it's hard to say anything when the person you want to talk to isn't answering your messages. Maybe you could send him an email or actually write him a letter (if you know his address). I believe it would make you feel better to apologize for the mistakes you made. You also need to acknowledge why you did what you did. You might also take a look (deep inside) and try to see what you've learned and explain to your ex why you are totally and absolutely sure that you would never make those choices again.

Writing this apology may not get you an answer from your ex, but it would be the first step in making you feel better about what you did. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only a wise person who finds a way to learn something from her mistakes.

It's your ex's choice to respond to you. He's with someone else now, so it may not happen. Instead of telling yourself "I wanna get him back" (that's a goal you have no control over since he's got his own ideas about getting back with you), how about telling yourself "I wanna stop hurting, I want to forgive myself for the mess I made, I want to apologize even if he never responds... I want to take what I've learned from this whole thing and move on with my life."

Those are things that you CAN control.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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