Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

How do you get over a broken heart? I have been with a guy for a year. As soon as we started dating we spent every moment we had together. He left me and went back to Maine to live with his family. He didn't tell me he was leaving until basically the day before. He says he still loves me and wants us to be together again someday soon. The problem now is that it seems as though he only says "I Love You" to keep me hanging by a string. He hangs up on me, calls me names, and basically makes me feel so bad. But at the same token he will call me up and say "I can't lose you, I love you." My heart is so tired. All I want to do is be with him, but I realize that I am a better person than that. My heart won't let go of the thought of him and how he use to be. How do I get over this?

Broken

Dear Broken,

When you love someone you are honest with them and you treat them with respect. Not telling you he was leaving until the day before he went wasn't honest. Hanging up on you and calling you names is certainly no show of respect. Nor is saying "I love you" just to keep someone "hanging on a string." Treating you like that is confusing and insensitive, to say the least.

I understand why your "heart is so tired." He is playing with your emotions and that is unkind and stressful because you don't really trust him any more. And when you don't trust a person, it's impossible to relax and be yourself around him. You say "all you want to do is be with him" but he isn't acting like he wants the same thing at all. You are very smart to realize that the "thought of him" that your "heart won't let go of" is NOT real the him but some fantasy version of him that exists in the PAST. You can't turn back the clock. This relationship has changed. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be moving onward with your life. And there are much healthier relationships waiting for you in the future.

The best way I know to "get over" someone who isn't being loving and kind is to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself these questions:

1) Do I deserve to be loved and treated with respect, compassion, affection, honesty?

2) Is that the kind of treatment I'm getting here?

3) Why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and treats me badly?

I would suggest, the next time you talk to him, take control of the conversation. Without blaming or begging, tell him how his behavior has made you feel. Tell him what you told me.... that you are "tired" of this and that you don't want to play this game any more.

Every person you meet in life has something to teach you. Understand that he has given you something valuable... an opportunity to learn about life and yourself so that you can grow into a better person. Thank him for the good times you had together and wish him well. Then make some plans to do something you enjoy... on your own or with good friends who care about you.

And so a new chapter begins.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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