Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I need some serious help. I have had this crush on this girl for over a year but I don't really know her. The only time I see her is at church and every time I talk to her it seems like I get on her nerves. I want to leave her a trail of love letters but should I even attempt it? And it also doesn't help that I'm overweight and don't know that much about her, but she is really fine (as in !@#$ she fine) and I'm afraid that she'll get a boyfriend at her school. I've been trying to find out a way with my friend on how to express my feelings. I really wanna ask her out but mortified of rejection.

I hardly ever talk to girls and every time I talk to one I always freeze up and say something stupid. I have never tried to make friends with any girl ever in my life. Even back in 1st grade I didn't try. I have always been shy around any girl.

Also I'm 14 and (if she says yes) where could I take her on a date. PLEASE HELP!

P.S. I love your book. It gave me inspiration on trying to figure this out.

Big Crush

Dear Big Crush,

Thanks for writing! I'm glad you like my book and I'm glad you're trying to figure out how to express your feelings for this girl.

Here's the thing, you say you "don't really know her" so, that's the first place to start. You can't expect a girl to respond to a guy she doesn't know all that well. And putting yourself down about your weight is certainly not a winning attitude! You want her to get to know you as a person... not a body! And the same goes in the other direction. You say you have a crush on this girl and that you don't really "know that much about her" except that she is fine. Well, that sure sounds like you're just judging her by her looks!

If you want to get closer to her, then give her a chance to know you as the smart, articulate, funny, caring person that you are. And take the time to get to know who she is, what she's into, and what her values are. (I'm not saying she's not a great person, but it takes more a pretty face, to make a healthy relationship.)

As for the "trail of love letters", I'd wait on that. Is there a church youth group or any opportunity for the young people in your congregation to spend some time together and get to know each other?

Also, I have a question for you. Does your shyness get in the way of your making friends with guys?

In friendship,

Terra

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