Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I broke up w/ my boyfriend of 2 years last year. We still live together and sleep in same bed. He was uninitiative in the affectionate sex part of the relationship. Now he decided after a year that he wants to be alone, no physical hugs or sex. I want to get him back eventually but he wants to be just friends. He says I'm beautiful still, but doesn't want sex!? He'd rather masturbate, so as not to confuse emotional attachment. U don't get it. He doesn't even really find girls attractive, but he's definitely not gay. He says I'm the love of his life, but I hurt him for breaking up w/ him. Even though it didn't seem like a breakup since we STILL sleep in the same bed. Will he want me if I oblige his wishes of just being pals and not trying to touch him etc.? Am I putting too much pressure on him?

AUUGH!

Dear AUUGH,

If he thinks you are the "love of his life" he has an usual way of showing it. For that matter, you have an unusual way of "breaking up" with someone. Be that as it may, it sounds like the message he's sending you is "I don't want a sexual, romantic relationships with you." It may not be what you want to hear, but he's saying it loud and clear and has been saying it for a while. If you continue hoping he will someday "want you" in the way you want him, I'm afraid you will continue to be disappointed.

The guy says he "wants to be alone." You need to respect that and keep your hands off of him. (Unwanted sexual touching is called sexual harassment whether it's a guy or a girl who's doing the touching.) It sounds like sleeping in the same bed with him is not healthy for you or for him, so that should stop immediately. I'd suggest you find another living arrangement and consider this guy your ex boyfriend. The sooner you realize that you ARE broken up, the sooner you can start a new chapter in your life.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra

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