Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

Well, maybe I feel like that because we are sooo different. Not saying people don't disagree in relationships and I know opposites attract, but what I'm trying to say is that he has more of a narrow-minded viewpoint and I'm open-minded about things. Let me give you an example: I remember asking something (I don't remember what it was) but I do remember his response. It was "Because I run the relationship." I asked did he feel like that because he's the man in the relationship he told me "Yes." Then I remember one day he asked me where I was. I told him then I turned around and asked him where he was he asked me why I wanted to know. I asked him why would he ask ME something if I couldn't ask HIM. He said "Because I can do that and you can't."

We've gotten better on that man over woman issue. One day I asked him did he trust me and he said "Yes. To a certain extent" and I said, "Why to a certain extent?" He replied "Well I trust you, but I know you like to go to the club and I know what you like to wear and I know you'll meet another guy." I told him "It's not the fact you don't trust me it's that you are insecure and jealous. I could meet a man anywhere. Are you going to tell me to stay inside for the rest of my life b/c you fear I'm gonna fall for the next thing walking?"

I told him to leave me alone if he didn't trust me. He flipped it all around like I wanted to leave when I was the one giving him a choice to stay or leave. Another thing I remember was that we were eating in a restaurant and the waitress had braids in her hair and I told the waitress I like her hair and she politely said "Thank you" and that was all. But as soon as she left he started making remarks at me that I was "funny". I just looked at him b/c I figured you have to be pretty narrow-minded to say something stupid like that after a simple compliment.

Sometimes we could be talking about the silliest things and all of a sudden he'll say something like "You don't know" or "You can't do that" and I'll just sit there and wonder why in the hell is he with me if he says things like that. I always think about why I am still with him and I haven't the slightest clue. It's not his looks, even though he's very handsome. It's not the sex, b/c if you are into someone deeply it's going to be good. But I can't figure out why I'm so into him so deep . Maybe this is an opposites attract ordeal. Maybe it's what I'm not used to that keeps me around. What Is It??????

Will it work?

Dear Will it work,

The question is "Why in the hell are you with him if he says (and thinks) things like that??" and it obviously bothers you so much! And you think it's because it's "not what you're used to that keeps you around this guy"? Well, I'm sure as hell not used to being with a controlling, sexist, insecure, paranoid guy either, but that sure wouldn't be any attraction to me. How about you?

In friendship,

Terra

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