Questions & Answers

Getting over a broken heart:
“My daughter has been hurt and is still suffering.”

Dear Annie,

My daughter went away to college and got involved with her boss, an older man. The affair lasted six months. Because of working together their relationship wasn't a normal dating relationship. When she pressed him for a commitment he kept giving her mixed messages which really confused her. As a result she messed up two semesters of school work, had to go see a therapist, and her self-esteem was badly hurt. She finally broke it off but she still is in love with this man and is trying to get back on track with her life. She calls me everyday, crying how awful and lonely and used she feels.

Sad and Confused Mom

Dear Sad and Confused Mom,

I'm sure it's heartbreaking for you to have gone through all of this emotional turmoil along with your daughter. It was good that she went to a therapist, but the fact that she is still "in love" with a man who is clearly not going to give her what she wants and needs is not a healthy sign. Also, if she's calling you every day and "crying how awful and lonely and used she feels," well, I'd say she has some more emotional work to do. These feelings are not likely to go away by themselves. And while she is still so at the effect of her emotional pain she's not thinking clearly. How can she possibly "get back on track with her life" until she makes some real progress resolving this relationship?

I'm strongly suggesting that she get herself back into therapy. Only with professional help (from a caring and compassionate therapist) will she begin to regain her self-esteem and start making a plan of action for her future.

You will serve her well by guiding her in that direction. (Listening to her cry and complain will not do her any good.)

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Annie